Today, I’ve been a little bit of a head mess.

Not because anything terrible happened. I think sometimes life just gets loud in my own head.

Between designing and trying to figure out the construction of my Witches Walk costume, learning choreography with my dance group, work, my website, and all the other creative things I keep throwing myself into…I’ve been fighting that little voice that says:

“Everyone else is so much better at this than you are.”

And whew. That voice can be LOUD.

I look at people who sew beautifully and think my sewing skills are so rough.

I see someone create an incredible costume and suddenly question my own design.

I watch someone pick up choreography quickly while I’m still trying to convince my feet and brain to communicate.

I see beautiful, polished websites and start wondering why I ever thought I could build one myself.

And before I know it, I’m comparing myself to everybody around me and feeling like I’m somehow less.

Less talented.
Less creative.
Less capable.

Sometimes even wondering if I really belong in these spaces at all.

But I had to remind myself of something today.

I’m comparing other people’s finished work to the middle of my learning process.

I’m not a professional seamstress.

I’m not a professional costume designer.

I’m not a professional web designer.

And Lord knows I’m not a professional dancer.

I’m just a woman in her 50s who keeps saying, “That looks interesting. I wonder if I can learn how to do that?”

And then I try.

Sometimes the seam is crooked.

Sometimes the costume idea changes 47 times because I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to construct what I drew.

Sometimes I’m half a beat behind.

Sometimes I mess something up and have to start over.

And sometimes what I can see so clearly in my imagination is way beyond what my hands currently know how to create.

That part is frustrating.

But maybe that gap between what I can imagine and what I can currently do isn’t proof that I don’t have talent.

Maybe that’s simply where learning happens.

I don’t have to be the best dancer in the group to dance.

I don’t have to be the best seamstress to make a costume.

I don’t have to be a professional designer to create something beautiful.

And I don’t have to be the most talented person in the room to deserve to be in the room.

I needed that reminder today.

Because sometimes confidence gets tired.

And tired confidence is a terrible judge of who we are.

So tonight, I’m going to stop grading myself quite so hard.

I’m going to keep designing.

Keep sewing.

Keep building.

Keep dancing.

Keep learning.

And probably keep making a glorious mess while I’m figuring it all out.

Because maybe there’s something pretty damn wonderful about being a woman in her 50s who is still curious enough—and brave enough—to keep trying things she doesn’t already know how to do.

And maybe that is something worth being proud of.